Gleanings from the Pastor's Perspective: Questions a Daughter Wants to Ask Her Daddy

The Pastor’s Perspective
“Questions a Daughter Wants to Ask Her Daddy”
First Published: March 19, 2002

Moms, get you husbands to read this, especially if they have a teenage or college age daughter. Ken Canfield, who heads up the National Center for Fathering, recently met with a group of five collegian women to discuss their relationships with their fathers. He says “Though each of the five young women came from homes where their fathers were physically present during childhood, their comments revealed that they would like to take the relationships with their dads to a deeper level. At one point, I asked them what they would like to know from their fathers. They came up with a series of questions which, they admitted, they could never actually bring up with their dads, but which reveal that they are eager to connect with their dads in a deep and profound way.”

“Here are their top ten questions: (1) Dad, why don't you want to talk to me? (2) Why do you watch so much TV? (3) What do you want in your relationship with mom in the next twenty years? (4) How did you fall in love and how where you attracted to Mom? (5) Why didn't you teach me about your faith? (6) Are you hiding anything? (7) Why do you always have to be right? (8) What can you tell me about having a good relationship with a guy? (9) How deeply do men struggle with sexuality and pornography? (10) Why do guys have selective hearing?”

OK, Dad, have you ever had and are you now having discussions about these kinds of issues with your daughter? The greatest weapon for good you have in child-rearing is your relationship with your child. Use it!

Now to yet another topic. A number of our women have been involved in a book study, edited by our friend Phil Ryken, called The Communion of the Saints. I have been told by many of the participants that this study has been challenging and encouraging for them. A vigorous discussion on the nature of baptism was sparked by one of the books chapters, and I must say I was so proud of the careful discernment of our women on this issue that I could have popped.

Just the other day, a friend who has been part of this study wrote me an encouraging note about how this study had helped her in her appreciation of corporate worship. She said: “One of the things I have gotten from the book is the importance of worship. The book has forced us to deal with the elements of worship, now that we have been given a basis for understanding for what you do and why you do it week after week. Several of us in my group saw each other after the morning worship service on Sunday. We talked about how the worship service had been much more significant to us than before. The reading and preaching of the word, praying, the singing of psalms and hymns seemed to all take on new meaning and refreshment to our souls. How it works in us to create a people that loves Christ and loves His people as He loves them, sin and all is truly a mystery, but we know that God's means of grace does just that. I have been praying as Paul prayed with the Thessalonians: “May the Lord make our love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else.”

I can’t think of a better way to end this column this week.

Your friend,

Ligon Duncan